Reignite the Flame in Your Relationship

What to Do When Love Feels Like It’s Gone

You feel distant. You look at your partner and wonder: Where did the love go?

The desire, the passion, the connection—it all feels like a memory. You're not alone. Many couples reach this stage, and the good news is: it’s not the end.

With the right mindset and small, consistent shifts, you can reignite the spark.

I’m Myriam Bideau, couples therapist since 2009, and in this article I’ll guide you through three key principles to breathe life back into your relationship—even if it currently feels flat, cold, or emotionally disconnected

1. Come Back to the Present Moment

One of the most common traps in long-term relationships is living in your head.

You anticipate your partner’s reactions, assume you know what they think, and stop really feeling what’s happening between you.

You drift into routine. You disconnect emotionally. You stop being present.

The truth is: connection, intimacy, and transformation can only happen in the now.

If you want to see change, you must return to the moment—listen differently, look at your partner with fresh eyes, rediscover what’s unfolding between you right here, right now.

2. Don’t Avoid Difficult Emotions—Work With Them

When negative emotions pile up unspoken, they act like invisible barriers between you and your partner.

Hurt, anger, disappointment—they don’t disappear if you ignore them. They resurface in distance, criticism, silence… or sexual disconnection.

But here’s the shift: your emotions are not problems—they’re signals.

They’re telling you that something matters, something needs attention. When addressed consciously (with curiosity, not blame), they can become powerful tools for reconnection and healing.

3. Nurture Both Desire and Care

Desire thrives on mystery, space, playfulness.

Love deepens with care, rituals, presence, and emotional safety.

Sustainable intimacy is about balancing both.

💡 Ask yourself:

• How do I create moments of novelty and surprise?

• How do I care for my partner with tenderness, not obligation?

• What habits or judgments have dulled our dynamic?

Often, reigniting love isn't about grand gestures. It’s about daily micro-choices:

• Making eye contact when you speak

• Touching with intention

• Asking a new question

• Offering appreciation instead of criticism

The fire returns not with drama, but with attention and intention.

4. Your Action Step Today

Here’s a powerful yet simple practice:

• List 3 small daily actions that:

  • Nourish desire in your relationship (flirt, surprise, initiate)

  • Nourish care in your relationship (listen, touch, appreciate)

• Make these intentional and repeat them daily.

📝 Share your examples in the comments below—what works for you might inspire someone else.

If this article helped you, please:

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• Or book a session with me if you're ready to go deeper

You don’t need to settle for a dull love. You can rekindle joy, connection, and intimacy—one mindful step at a time. 🔥