Can You “Fix” a Narcissist? What You Really Need to Know

“How can I help them change?”

When living with someone manipulative or narcissistic, the question many ask is: Can I help them heal? Can I fix them? This question seems compassionate — but it's often rooted in emotional entanglement, denial, or hope that love can repair everything.

The truth? Change must come from within. And your first priority should be your own wellbeing.

Why this mindset is dangerous

Trying to “heal” a narcissistic person often traps you in emotional exhaustion. Narcissistic or manipulative individuals tend to reject self-awareness. They often lack the capacity to reflect, take accountability, or seek help — even when their behavior causes immense harm. Their defense mechanisms, shaped early in life, are powerful and rigid.

While they might suffer, their pain rarely leads to change. Instead, it’s often turned outward: blame, control, denial. Waiting for them to change keeps you stuck in the cycle of hope and hurt.

What you can do instead

1. Shift the question: “How do I protect myself?”

Ask why you're invested in fixing someone else — especially someone who causes ongoing pain. Focus on self-care and emotional safety. Whether you stay or leave, healing starts with you.

2. Make an honest assessment of your situation.

What are the real consequences of this relationship? Emotionally, physically, socially? Do you feel respected, safe, and seen?

3. Accept that you can’t do the healing for them.

Real change requires a person to want help. And narcissists rarely seek therapy unless life forces them to. Don’t sacrifice yourself for someone who isn’t even asking for help. You’re not selfish for choosing peace.