Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Leave Your Relationship

Is it time to leave... or time to face what's not being said?

When you're standing at the edge of a relationship, unsure whether to stay or go, clarity is everything.

In this article, I’ll walk you through 7 powerful questions to ask yourself before making the decision to separate. These are the same questions I guide my clients through when they feel torn between leaving or staying.

This is not about guilt or pressure. It’s about choosing consciously, not reactively.

1. Are you attached to the person… or to their potential?

It’s easy to fall in love with what could be — the fantasy of who your partner might become one day.

But are you loving who they are right now, or who you’re still hoping they’ll become?

Stop projecting into the future. Look at your partner as they are today, and ask yourself:

Can I accept this, truly — without conditions or expectations of change?

2. Are you waiting for them to change?

Maybe you’ve been holding on, silently hoping:

"Once the baby arrives..."

"When work calms down..."

"If they start therapy..."

But here's the truth: Change only happens if your partner is willing, aware, and engaged.

Ask yourself: If nothing ever changed, could I live with this?

3. Are you living in promises… or in reality?

Are you still holding onto words your partner said years ago — “I’ll stop,” “We’ll work on this,” or “Things will get better soon”?

If there’s a gap between promises and actions, it’s time to stop waiting.

Speak up. Set clear boundaries. Create real dialogue — not silent hope.

4. Have you truly tried?

Before leaving, ask yourself honestly:

Have I expressed my needs clearly?

Have I tried to work on my side of the relationship?

Have I sought help — coaching, therapy, guidance?

You don’t need to exhaust yourself, but you do need to take ownership of your part before stepping away.

5. Are you being treated with respect?

This question is non-negotiable.

Do you feel safe? Respected?

Or has the relationship been tainted by:

• Criticism

• Contempt

• Stonewalling

• Defensiveness

These are what I call the Four Horsemen of the Relationship Apocalypse.

If they are chronic and unaddressed — the damage runs deep.

6. Are you tolerating things you know you shouldn't?

Are you ignoring your own values to avoid conflict?

Are you staying silent when you feel unseen, disrespected, or depleted?

You teach people how to treat you.

Ask yourself: What have I been tolerating that I wouldn’t want for someone I love?

7. Are you staying because you’re afraid of being alone?

Fear of loneliness is real.

But fear is not a reason to stay in a relationship that no longer respects you, nourishes you, or allows you to grow.

Your life is bigger than your fear.

A Final Action Step

Here’s a simple exercise I invite you to try:

👉 Make two lists:

• One with the facts of why you’d stay

• One with the facts of why you’d leave

(Not hopes, not promises — facts.)

Then ask yourself:

What is one action I can take today to move toward clarity — and peace?

It might be a conversation, a boundary, or a decision.

💬 If this article resonated with you, I invite you to share it or comment with your reflections. And if you're facing this decision and feel stuck, I’d be honored to support you in a private coaching session.

You are not alone.

Your clarity matters.

Your peace is worth fighting for.